A Long Walk on the Beach
A long walk down a beach…. sounds romantic, right? It sounds relaxing and rejuvenating.
What you wouldn't give to do that right now, listening to the waves crash on the beach, breathing in the salty air, feeling the sea mist and salt on your skin! You can feel your body and soul relaxing just at the thought. This is exactly what you need to do right now, by yourself so you can REALLY be with yourself! Everyone says that's healthy and grounding, right? To be with yourself. Ok…you make the decision and go for it.
You arrive, almost giddy. The beach looks beautiful – all the beige pale sand, a blue ocean stretching out to the horizon. Sea birds singing their songs. You start to walk down the beach. You are going to walk for an hour or so or go as far as you want. It's a long beach and you can stroll for miles if you desire.
At first, it feels great - massaging your feet in the sand, stretching out the muscles on the bottom of your feet. Your calluses begin to be lightly exfoliated. You walk a little further and think, this is friggin' great. Maybe you choose to walk closer to the water where it's a little firmer due to the ocean-packed down sand, with the water every so often washing over your bare feet.
"This is so great! Why don't I do this every day?"
You keep walking. Even if you are just strolling along at a slow pace, you start to become ever so aware of your calve muscles working and your breath picking up. Maybe there's not a cloud in the sky on a beautiful bluebird afternoon, and your head begins to sweat from the heat and your skin gets a little warmer than you'd prefer. You try to remember if you put sunscreen on your face. Realizing you forgot, now you can't help but think of how long it will take for your nose to turn pink. Slightly frustrated, you realize your mind has wandered and bring your focus back to taking in the beach around you and enjoying the moment again.
You keep walking. The wind begins to pick up as the afternoon progresses and every so often there's a light wind gust that tosses a bit of sand into your eyes or causes a little extra sea spray to get you right in the face. You laugh! Just another day at the beach. You take another deep breath of the salty air and smile, giggling to yourself about the slight irritations you noticed during a perfectly beautiful afternoon. You focus on getting back to the Zen state you felt upon arriving and setting out on your walk.
You keep walking. You look back over your shoulder and are a bit surprised by the distance you've made so far. It felt like you've been walking for quite some time now, yet you realize you haven't made nearly as much progress as you thought, due to the slower way you need to walk on the sand. Your leisurely stroll picks up speed a bit, as now your focus is on your progress rather than the journey.
You keep walking. You are keenly aware that the breeze has continued picking up and now is a constant light wind blowing directly at you, providing you some resistance to your, now, determined stroll. You drop your head a bit, protecting your face from the sand sprays. Your pace quickens now as you scan down the beach, considering a landmark to mark as your goal for when to turn around. You're no longer focused on the moment but rather accomplishing the task of the walk. Just then you step on a shell at just the right angle that it digs into the less callused sole of your foot. "Mother F…..!!!!!!" This walk isn't quite how you imagined it would be, as you hop around for a moment and then sit in the sand to look at your foot. It's not bleeding so you decide to continue walking. Now you are determined to make it to that turnaround point.
You keep walking. That designated turnaround spot does not seem to be getting closer fast enough. Your calves are now burning. You have a piece of sand in your eye and your one foot still is throbbing from that stupid shell. Your thoughts wander to what you want to do when you are done here. You begin to wonder how long you actually have been walking and if it's getting too late. Your thoughts drift to work responsibilities you have on your plate and then question if you need to stop at the grocery store on the way home. You find yourself wondering when your next haircut appointment was coming up or if you still need to schedule something. And then the thought you've been avoiding finally comes to the forefront – should you just turn around now, give up?
What started out as a romantic idea of a simple long stroll on the beach has suddenly turned into a grueling task that now is somehow determining your value as a person in your mind. You find yourself questioning why you can't stick to things you set out to do that was just for you. You find yourself in a sour mood, such a 180-degree shift from when you started. This walk was supposed to enhance your life as a self-care activity. Instead, it has turned into a slightly painful and frustrating chore. You almost can't wait for it to be over. Why are you still walking to that random turnaround point you selected when you began?? You stop walking momentarily to decide if you are going to keep going or just give up, walk up to the parking lot where it's easier to walk, and head home.
Those of us who decide to pursue personal development likely will find themselves on a very similar walk of the personal development journey. Just like our long walk on the beach, going down the path of personal development can very much feel like a wonderful romantic opportunity that turns into painful, frustrating work. You find yourself feeling alone, more emotional than you expected, and wondering how long it takes to get to the damn turning around point....that magical point you made up in your head which should indicate you did the work and you are "fixed", developed, or whatever it is you are trying to do here.
When most of us start on our various journeys, we understand (in theory) that this is a lifelong path. We are looking to better ourselves, connect with parts of us we've repressed, or balance out parts of us we overuse. We know in our heads it won't be quick and are told by "those other people" that we are creating new habits and all that blah blah blah. We feel confident this is the right move for us and we start. We read books, listen to podcasts, journal, attempt to meditate, or start to paint. And we crush it! We start to make some connections on why we do some of our behaviors, why we react certain ways to certain situations or people, etc. We begin to build our awareness – we start on to ourselves. How cool! Personal development is awesome!
And then we continue to repeat our old patterns. We keep finding ourselves doing the same things we identified as not being in our best interest. We keep looking for approval from others even though we know we should not. We find ourselves blowing up at someone for saying something we already know is just a trigger and not true. Why?!?! We are doing the darn work, yet nothing is changing. We still have anxiety over (insert your anxiety trigger here). We are still finding ourselves angry/sad/frustrated/apathetic. We haven't received that promotion, quit that job, found a new partner, stuck to a healthy routine, cut back on drinking, made a budget, etc.
And we stop. We stop journaling, listening to that podcast, avoid talking to our best friend who has been encouraging our self-development journey and always asking us about it. We stop because we are trying to decide if we want to keep going or give up. Go back to our normal day-to-day stuff, no longer carving out the extra time we had to find to fit all this "good for us" stuff into our daily routine. We are never going to reach that turning point.
The long walk on the beach, in the beginning, was never about reaching some point and turning around. It was about grounding ourselves, being in nature, taking in the moment of the day. It was always about the journey, the process, not the outcome or goal. Personal development is that way too. There is no endpoint, only what you indicate to yourself. The moment you assign a timeline or endpoint, you lose contact with the part of you that drew you onto the path in the first place. Deep down, in the inner depths of your being, you were drawn to be more of yourself! You were drawn to that beach, that sand, that moment.
Like anything else really worth it, the personal development journey is not an easy one. It is hard because it requires authentic real work that only you can do. It is uncomfortable to peel away the layers of your onion, digging under your own belief systems and thoughts to discover where they come from and why. You might not agree with what you find and are forced to re-evaluate a few things. You may find loneliness you didn't realize was there because you were so good at filling your space with trivial noise so you wouldn't have to face it. You may find deep sadness, fear, anger, betrayal, trauma, shame, or guilt. But if you are doing your work, you will also find strength, courage, bravery, confidence, self-fortitude, deep love, autonomy, hope, and compassion. To find those, the real truest versions of the gifts you have to offer the world, and yourself, you have to keep going. You can't give up at the first shell you step on or the grain of sand that hits you in the face. It's all part of the beauty of the beach, along with the salty smell of the water in the breeze and the gorgeous sunset over the waves. If you take the sand and shells from the beach, you have a boring pool.
For me, long walks on the beach are refreshing and rejuvenating when I have a friend or loved one to walk with. When I get tired or need help, I have them to motivate me, encourage me, and support me. I also have someone to run my thoughts by so I can get a different perspective on whatever is bothering me or have someone to ask questions to so I can open my mind a bit, as we all have blinders on to a certain extent. Development journeys are no different. While it is still your personal journey, having support like a few really good friends, a therapist, mentor, or a coach, can be super supportive to get you through those moments when you stop to decide if you want to keep going or give up.
There's a reason long walks on the beach continue to be associated with romantic, beautiful strolls most of us are attracted to, even after we do it once. It's because when we do finally finish our walk there is a sense of accomplishment, beauty, personal fortitude, and peace. The majority of us also return to the beach to take another walk again at some point. The development journey is no different. If we don't give up, we typically find ourselves continuing on a personal self-development journey multiple times throughout our lives. It ebbs and flows with what is going on in our lives, but we return to the path to continue our growth over and over, one step at a time. And that is a beautiful thing!!!
