This year's Halloween was a delightful treat! For the first time, I had the joy of celebrating the holiday with my sister's three little ones: Skyla (6), Amara (3), and Ryder (1.5). The anticipation leading up to the holiday filled me with a childlike excitement. I could feel the energy in my body, and every thought of the holiday brought forth a giggle reminiscent of my 6-year-old self.

Halloween has always been my favorite holiday of the holiday season. My birthday is still my favorite holiday, selfishly. But I digress. Halloween is that one time of year when I feel all "rules" are off. I could invent myself, for just a day, into anything I desired. There were no expectations. You could dress funny, scary, or profound. You could make a statement by your costume or have no real meaning. And no matter what, you didn't have to take yourself too seriously. And I sure tried not to.

As a kid, I remember coming up with some really creative costumes. One year, I wanted to be a strawberry. My mom sewed a substantial red sack together, adding black dots on the outside like a strawberry has, and stuffed it full of newspaper. It was probably 3 feet wide. She even made a little green stem hat for my head. Another year, I was a big brown chair. I wore all brown. My mom and I made, out of cardboard and felt, a "seat" that had to hang off my torso, going about two feet in length out front of me. We combined a bunch of paper towel cardboard centers for the two front legs of the chair. My legs were the back legs. I believe my arms were the armrests, and my face was also painted brown. I remember being so proud of my costumes, even though they were handmade. They were unique and creative. A little shoutout to my mom, who had to figure out how to make my ideas and then get me to and from school, trick or treating, and to whatever events I was invited to. Some were challenging to maneuver in. I can't imagine what she must have gone through during those years. LOL

However, as I moved into my preteens and teenage years, I remember suddenly being more conscious of what other kids were doing and wanting to fit into more of the mainstream, typical costumes. Those years had less creativity. For some years, it has been almost the opposite of creative. How can I do as little as possible and still get away with trick-or-treating? I remember dressing up in my grunge alternative style but then adding some face paint and calling myself a "homeless bum" or adding blood and going as a lame Zombie (my Zombie game has definitely improved as an adult). Those years were more about fitting in and going to parties or trick-or-treating late at night so that I could get into shaving cream fights with other kids. Then I discovered the "sexy" version of costumes in my later high school years, which lacked imagination and was very much about fitting in.

However, as I grew out of my insecure teenage years, moved away from home, and genuinely spent less time "dressing up" for the holiday, I started to miss the magic of the tradition. My first husband didn't like celebrating holidays, including Halloween, and I let many holidays pass without much celebration. However, once I bought our first house in Emmaus, PA, I had trick-or-treaters visit our home. I found handing out candy and seeing all the little (and big) kids in costume reinvigorated my love for the holiday. I started to attend the town Halloween parades. My husband also began to participate with me a little, which gave me more incentive to do more (decorating, celebrating, etc.) each year.

After we separated, I found myself in Boston alone, figuring out how I wanted to spend this holiday. I still felt a little reserved but could feel something bubbling up in my solar plexus. I had a little ball of excitement and giddiness that I hesitated to tap into. What was that about?

Fast-forward to the last few years, as I find myself now. My current husband, Sean, is not a fan of dressing up. However, he has allowed me to dress him up as part of a couple's costume a few times over our 7 years together, including this year. While he really dislikes dressing up, he is very encouraging of all the other Halloween stuff. I decorate my home and drag him to various Halloween events in town. He's a good sport.

This year, though, was like no other. Experiencing this fun holiday with my sister's kiddos, I felt that ball of excitement get bigger and bigger as the week progressed. I found myself obsessing over the "schedule" for the day, wanting to ensure we got as much Halloween stuff going as possible. I wore a lion costume. Sean agreed to wear a matching lion costume. We showed up at Skyla's school to watch her school Halloween parade. There she was, with her matching lion costume. I was so proud of our little pride. Then Sean and I went to her house to help her sister and brother prepare. We had a little superhero (not Supergirl, just to be clear) and the Grinch. I found myself loving all the mundane getting-ready stuff, like wrestling Ryder to try to paint his face green. I was happy I got the green done. However, he drew the line there. So, we just went with it.

Once my sister got home, we headed down to downtown's Candy Crawl through the business district. There was a ton of candy and activities like bounce houses or throwing the ring on the witch's hat. After that excitement, we headed back home for a quick meal for the kids and then…. the main event: Trick or Treating around their new neighborhood.

My ball of excitement erupted, and I saw it for what it was—my inner child! That piece of me was so alive and precious in my early years before my inner critic got ahold of it, filling it with insecurity, comparison, and wanting to be accepted at all costs. It was before I worried about following what my friends or romantic partners wanted to do.

Watching my nieces run through sidewalks with such abandon and glee, pointing at any house with their outside lights on, pumpkin or other Halloween decorations out, and banging on any door that might open for them filled my soul with such delight. My little Amara, at 3 years old, came face to face with a guy in a terrifying costume attempting to give her a little fright. At that moment, all my self-doubt and insecurities came back. I worried how this might affect her innocent excitement of the day and Halloweens to come. To my utter amazement (and pride), she laughed in that man's face. She laughed so hard that everyone in earshot laughed, including the scary ghoul. She then turned to a decoration of a jumping spider, which jumped out at her at that very moment and landed on her head. She laughed at it, too. She is truly my little Halloween spirit. I can't wait to see the years to come.

Now, a few days later, I reflect on all of this. And I realize that children can truly teach us so much if we let them. They can also help us reconnect to that part of us that gets trampled over time and years. Whether you like or dislike Halloween, it could be any holiday or tradition. Watch the kids around you. They have a level of presence, joy, and innocence that can be tapped into a resource to reconnect to your own presence, joy, and innocence. And that resource has no end. Children share it unconditionally with the world. That is the gift they give this world to all of us adults.

Happy Belated Halloween to you all. Whether you dress up or not, a little of its magic may touch you in a way that reminds you of lighter times. May you let a little in so you may experience more presence, joy, and innocence in your life.